Today I received an email solicitation from a company offering to write code for our website. It was so poorly written that I assumed at first that it was one of those Nigerian inheritance scams. Actually, the company is based in India which would at least partially excuse the grammar if the email hadn't been sent by “Bill” who is based in Dayton, OH. I thought it would serve as an example of what not to do when trying to make a first impression with a potential customer.
Subject: Telephonic(?) appointmetnt (sp)
My efforts to reach you over telephone were unsuccessful. As a business analyst at EVOKE, I was trying to reach for seeking a 10 Mins of telephonic appointment (Is this like a Vulcan Mind Meld?).
Evoke Technologies is partner for Microsoft, Oracle and EMC. Appraised by SEI-CMM level 3 (What the heck does this mean?), Evoke is based at Dayton, OH and ODC in India with 7 Years (Is Years a proper name?) of rich experience.
We have built more than 10,000 templates in Cold Fusion for various Applications(.)
We implemented (You don't anymore?) all our ColdFusion applications in Fusebox Methodology/Framework which runs on Clustered Environment (This reminds me of Tumnus discussing the geography of War Drobe in the land of Spare Oom with Lucy in the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe.)
We have implemented the Ajax and JQuery features (Which features? All of them?) in Cold Fusion (ColdFusion is one word and has been for almost a decade. Maybe they implemented Ajax and JQuery in a cold fusion reaction. That would have been impressive.)
Wrote many custom (Who did?) tags and CFCs for reusability purpose and communication with other technologies like Java, .Net, Perl, XML Web services, Documentum and CGI (payment gateway, email validation Utilities, Mail Client and etc (Is “etc” a CGI script in this case? It's not one I've heard of.)
We have integrated Cold Fusion (Again, ColdFusion is one word.) with J2EE, Business Objects(.)
Further, our technology portfolio includes Microsoft Technologies (Is this a selling point?), JAVA / J2EE BI & DWH, Oracle Applications, Documentum, and LAMP technologies. We have served across Industry Verticals (Who or what is Industry Verticals?) including but not limited to Corporate Governance, Finance, telecommunication & E-Commerce.
We would request for a telephonic appointment where we can present out detailed service offerings and strengths (Spelling and grammar not included among them.).
We remain enthusiastic about helping your team strategically identify and evaluate if EVOKE team can leverage and complement your company's current IT initiatives(.) (Come on folks, periods still are used to complete sentences.)
Thank you for giving us the opportunity. (Not on your life)